Anxiety. It really is the thing I struggle with most.
I’ve been trying for years to control my anxiety better. I hate going through life being terrified of everything or every little possible thing that can go wrong. It can get embarrassing at times especially around new people that don’t know that’s just me and how I am. What makes the whole situation with my anxiety worse is that I not only suffer form generalized anxiety but also social anxiety as well. I’m a very shy person and new social settings just make me so nervous and anxious. I constantly worry about people looking at me, not liking me or judging me. In all reality that isn’t the case, but my mind makes me believe it is. So, meeting new people really scares me. I’m a major introvert!
I’ve dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Growing up I remember worrying about everything! whenever I was worried about something, I would get horrible stomachaches. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized that was my anxiety. When I was a child, I didn’t know what anxiety was and I just figured I get sick easily. Even now as an adult I get horrible stomachaches because of my anxiety to the point where it physically makes me sick at times.
Sometimes I don’t even know what’s causing me to have anxiety. I have worked on being more self aware when I’m getting the feeling that something is off but not sure what. My husband knows me so well that he’ll see what’s bugging me before I even do. It’s like I must sit and dissect every little thing that it could be until I have a better understanding of what I need to do to calm myself. Other times I automatically know, or I’ll know before I go into a situation that it will cause anxiety. At those times I work on just being prepared for whatever the situation is.
That’s the thing about me… I love to plan for EVERYTHING! I want to have my day planned out; I love to know what to expect. My husband hates it and always reminds me that I can’t control Every situation, as much as I would love to think I can. I just like a routine and when my routine is thrown off it throws everything off. I really would love to be one of those people that can just go with the flow, but it stresses me out at times. I guess it comes down to the fact that I don’t like the unknown. That’s the major reason why I hate surprises. Yet my husband loves to surprise me any chance he gets because he knows just how much I LOVE that! Kidding…
Coming into this new year I talked about how I need to work on my mental health more. I’m currently trying to conceive, and the anxiety is an issue. I know I need to work on it for my own mental well being but also for my physical health to be able to carry a child. I feel like my stress and worrying just isn’t good and I need to work in having a happier healthier mindset. I don’t want my anxiety to get in the way of something I want so badly. Not to mention there is a whole new set of anxiety I’ll get once I become a parent.
I’m just tired of anxiety screwing with my mind to make me think I’m not capable of things or able to do something because I’m scared to fail or because of a fear I must face. A lot of the time it’s just the time leading up to something I get the most anxious. then once it’s all over I realize it really isn’t as bad as I made it out to be in my mind. Of course, in the moment it’s hard to see. I’m also tired of losing sleep over my anxiety because I stay up all night letting my mind wander to different thoughts. I have learned in those times it’s nice to just write it down quickly to somewhere and that way it’s out somewhere and you can go back to it later when you have time. Sometimes you won’t even feel the need to go back to it, it just helps getting it written out.
That’s what’s been helping me with this blog is just being able to share all my thoughts and experiences with you all.
I would always love to hear from you below. Do any of you experience anxiety as well and what helps you?
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Until next time,