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The daily life of living with Social Anxiety

If I can sum up in one word what it’s like to live with social anxiety disorder, I would say… draining. I never knew what social anxiety disorder was or that it was even an actual disorder until I went to rehab. Once I was told they believed I had this type of anxiety disorder everything all started to make a little more sense. I felt relieved that these feelings I’ve felt my whole life was something that other people have dealt with as well. Although I had some more insight to what I had been suffering from it still doesn’t get any easier living with social anxiety. I’m sure it’s the main reason my husband and I decided to get married with just two friends as witnesses. I couldn’t ever imagine everyone’s attention all on me for a day. It’s literally one of my nightmares! So, here’s what it’s like living with social anxiety and yes, I experience more then one of these at least a couple times a day…

You get nervous during any type of social settings.

If I know that I have a social event …

Trying to conceive Journey... 6 month update

This month marks six months of my trying to conceive journey. There has been lots of low points but everyday I’m trying my best to stay hopeful, hopeful that our dreams will finally become a reality soon! During this time, I’ve learned a lot about different things involving fertility and learned things about myself as well.
I’ve learned a lot about my anxiety and just being more self aware of it during this time. This whole process causes me stress and anxiety but I’m finding ways to deal with it better. My biggest obstacle is patience and just trusting that everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. My mind tends to automatically think of every negative thing that can happen so I’m trying to change that. I need to start being more positive and positive things will come about. I can just feel it!
So, six months ago before my husband had the vasectomy reversal, my monthly cycles were always right on time for the most part. Every now and then it would be a day or 2 late but nothi…

Living with anxiety and why I need to worry less

Anxiety. It really is the thing I struggle with most.

I’ve been trying for years to control my anxiety better. I hate going through life being terrified of everything or every little possible thing that can go wrong. It can get embarrassing at times especially around new people that don’t know that’s just me and how I am. What makes the whole situation with my anxiety worse is that I not only suffer form generalized anxiety but also social anxiety as well. I’m a very shy person and new social settings just make me so nervous and anxious. I constantly worry about people looking at me, not liking me or judging me. In all reality that isn’t the case, but my mind makes me believe it is. So, meeting new people really scares me. I’m a major introvert!
I’ve dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Growing up I remember worrying about everything! whenever I was worried about something, I would get horrible stomachaches. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized that was my anxiety. …

What leads up to a vasectomy reversal

July 11th, 2019 was the big day my husband and I had been waiting a long time for. It was the day he finally had his surgery to reverse the vasectomy he got when he was 23 years old. You can read all about that post here. The time and process to get us to that very day felt like a journey. The hardest part to face about it was that it was only the beginning to the actual journey it was going to be for us to become parents.
We chose Seattle Reproductive medicine to do the surgery. They are local for us and I’ve only heard amazing things about them. Our first step was contacting them to set up our consultation appointment. During that time, they explain different treatment options, the cost and to go over medical history to make sure the procedure is a right fit for you. Before our appointment we both had a stack of papers we filled out. It was a questionnaire about your medical history as well as any immediate family members. The consultation takes about 30 min.
The tricky part about i…

The change I want to make in life

New Years brings new goals! I wouldn’t say mine are necessarily goals, but I have some self-improvements I want to make this year in my life. Heck who am I kidding?I’ve been wanting to make these self improvements for a long time now! It’s everyday stuff that I need to improve and there is always room for improvement in life. I know I need to make these changes to help get both my mental and physical health back on track. As much as I keep talking about them, I need to put in the action and make these things a priority in my life on an everyday basis. Your mental and physical health are both extremely important to have healthy and for some reason I keep veering off from those being an important focal point. Which leads me to my first one…

Focus more on my mental and physical health

I mean that should already be my number one focus. It’s not like I completely neglect it but it’s an area in my life that can be greatly improved. I need to make sure to take my vitamins everyday and staying…

My end of 2019 & My start of 2020

I’m back!

I hope everyone had a good holidays and new year! I decided to take some time to just relax. My holidays were ok, and I had a good new year. Of course, with my luck I got sick right before Christmas. That was the start to a holiday of some ups and downs. I love the feeling of joy Christmas always brings but this year especially, I had anxiety going into the holidays.
I knew that we were going to be seeing family. Family who knows we’re currently trying to get pregnant. I know they’re excited for us just as much as we are but it’s still hard when they ask if there is any news yet. I hate having to give the answer of no because of course I would love to be able to share that exciting news! It’s not their fault but it’s just another reminder to myself of what I don’t have yet.
Another obstacle I didn’t think would be an issue but turned out to be was seeing everyone with their kids! Seeing parents doing holiday traditions with their children or seeing parents helping their kids …

The day that changed my life

December 22, 2016 marks a very significant day in my life. A day I honestly will never forget. It’s the day I went to detox before I was able to enter my treatment center right after. That was probably one of the hardest days I’ve ever faced, and it still brings up certain emotions whenever I think back to it. Knowing I was about to be leaving for over a month and taking the step to change my life was scary! I was devastated knowing I wouldn’t be spending Christmas with my family, but I knew it was something that I absolutely had to do. This is a huge step for me because I don’t usually talk openly about my experience of going to rehab. Lately it’s been easier for me to do though because it’s a huge part of my life story and I wouldn’t be living the life I have today if it wasn’t for taking that step. If my story can help one person out there struggling, then it’s MORE than worth it to me!
Christmas is always a special time and one of my favorite holidays. It hasn’t quite been the same…